people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
