I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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