I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
