The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
