booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
