I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
