Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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