I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
