He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
