I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize