i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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