I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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