I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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