Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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