So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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