Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
