I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
third nipple confirmed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
