Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
