break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
