i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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