Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
