Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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