You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
