i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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