Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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