I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
