You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
