We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize