i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize