you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
