i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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