I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Houston, we have a blender
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize