So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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