i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize