its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
