She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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