I'm really into asian looking animals
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
