I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
