Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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