I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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