okay pat passed out under dana's car
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize