feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
