remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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