Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
