She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
