..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
