Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
