Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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