My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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