so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
