Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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