lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
