listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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