You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My life is pants optional.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
