If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
