The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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