I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
