im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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