plz talk dirty to me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
