My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
