you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
