he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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