ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
