This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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