My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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