apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What happened to fro yo and sex?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
