If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
