Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
