just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize