Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize