he puts the penis in happiness.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I touched a dick in church today
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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