I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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