Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
