Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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